More Confused Every Day

I don't know why but I had to repost my two other blogs, they deleted for some reason. I haven't blogged in awhile before today due to I have been having some serious car troubles and have been working a lot of hours. I went back to New York from Feb. 3-7th. My bestfriends 18 year old brother was killed in a car accident. Tragic I know, he was too good for this world. I heard from Scott that Saturday morning on the 6th. He left me a short message via Facebook letting me know he is sorry for not being able to call and has been busy, that it's starting to get warm over there and he heard I was in NY. Oh and of course that he misses me. He did infact go to Marjah in Afghanistan for that battle that I'm sure you all have been hearing about. I can't seem to stay off the news channels or websites with all the updates. That was 3 weeks ago that I last heard from him. His best friend that was over there with him was sent home earlier this week. Grant, he lost his dad to stage 4 cancer and is home until March 8th. I was able to talk to him and he told me Scott is doing okay and that he will be fine, god I hope so. Scott's mom texted me earlier today and told me that he called her this morning, I'm kind of sad he wasn't able to call me but I'm sure he would if he could. I'm just happy to know he is okay. I am still talking to Keith on a pretty regular basis. Everyday and night actually. It's crazy because I see him and talk to him everyday and I haven't seen Scott since January 5th and talked to him for weeks and I still am more crazy about him than ever. He has a lot of explaining to do when he gets home though as far as all the drama I'm dealing with for him. Part of me feels like when he gets home he is just going to want to sleep with every girl possible since he has been gone for 8 months, if that's what he wants then I can't have anything to do with him...is that wrong of me to feel that way? I feel like if thats the case then I will have ruined something totally amazing that I could have had with Keith. Ugh What do I do? I found a picture today that I love so much of Scott, he is wearing my Grandpa's sunglasses...Aviators if you want to get technical..I love how good he was with my family. Earlier this week I put on his favorite hoodie and listened to the song Wait for me by Theory of a Deadman and just cried.. I needed to have a good cry. I miss him so much.