I almost killed this idiot.

So I was at work tonight and this guy came in and decided he wanted to hit on me, asking me if I had a boyfriend. Now I'm fully aware that I don't but I said I did because he was bugging me. He asked where he was and I said he was in Afghanistan (notice I go to Scott first). He replies by saying "oh, he might be dead.. I should get your number." I flipped out on him, customer or not that is SO messed up. Agreed? Short Entry tonight, Ready for bed..irritated beyond belief.

More Confused Every Day

I don't know why but I had to repost my two other blogs, they deleted for some reason. I haven't blogged in awhile before today due to I have been having some serious car troubles and have been working a lot of hours. I went back to New York from Feb. 3-7th. My bestfriends 18 year old brother was killed in a car accident. Tragic I know, he was too good for this world. I heard from Scott that Saturday morning on the 6th. He left me a short message via Facebook letting me know he is sorry for not being able to call and has been busy, that it's starting to get warm over there and he heard I was in NY. Oh and of course that he misses me. He did infact go to Marjah in Afghanistan for that battle that I'm sure you all have been hearing about. I can't seem to stay off the news channels or websites with all the updates. That was 3 weeks ago that I last heard from him. His best friend that was over there with him was sent home earlier this week. Grant, he lost his dad to stage 4 cancer and is home until March 8th. I was able to talk to him and he told me Scott is doing okay and that he will be fine, god I hope so. Scott's mom texted me earlier today and told me that he called her this morning, I'm kind of sad he wasn't able to call me but I'm sure he would if he could. I'm just happy to know he is okay. I am still talking to Keith on a pretty regular basis. Everyday and night actually. It's crazy because I see him and talk to him everyday and I haven't seen Scott since January 5th and talked to him for weeks and I still am more crazy about him than ever. He has a lot of explaining to do when he gets home though as far as all the drama I'm dealing with for him. Part of me feels like when he gets home he is just going to want to sleep with every girl possible since he has been gone for 8 months, if that's what he wants then I can't have anything to do with him...is that wrong of me to feel that way? I feel like if thats the case then I will have ruined something totally amazing that I could have had with Keith. Ugh What do I do? I found a picture today that I love so much of Scott, he is wearing my Grandpa's sunglasses...Aviators if you want to get technical..I love how good he was with my family. Earlier this week I put on his favorite hoodie and listened to the song Wait for me by Theory of a Deadman and just cried.. I needed to have a good cry. I miss him so much.

The Twist you Ask?

So about that twist you ask? I know I ended off talked about Scott. Well like I said when I first moved down to the good old South I used the internet to meet people. I met another man. His name is Keith, in the U.S. Army serving in Iraq. He is also Infantry. The good thing about him is that where he is in Iraq they have their laptops and electricity and he can talk to me everyday. Scott on the other hand I haven't heard from in two weeks. I've been reading the news and it seems to be that his platoon is on the front line of a huge operation in a town called Marjah, Bless their hearts. I have talked to Keith since the beginning of November and just about every day since. We have never met in person but it's incredible what the internet can do. We use a program called Skype and it enables two people to talk via webcam so you can see eachother and talk. I know what most people think when you say webcam. Here is the thing I am a classy girl with morals and respect for my body and myself so none of that has gone on or will go on via webcam. Keith is dreamy, its corny but the only way to put it. His eyes are so big and green and his smile could melt anyones heart. He has this laugh that just makes me laugh. He has a body to die for, and the tattoos (which I find sexy).

Most people think okay, thats a male whore. Well in all reality he is the epiphony of a perfect man. He was raised by his mother and that woman raised her son right. It is now almost March and since November we have just been getting to know eachother more and more each day. It's safe to say that he has fallen in love with me. We have plans to finally meet when he comes home in June. I have a lot of feelings for him too but in the end my heart always goes back to Scott. Keith wants what I want, is very sweet. He is different, a breath of fresh air. I know he would treat me right and we would be so happy together because we have so much in common and the person he is and the person that I am click in every aspect. Scott on the other hand talks to a lot of women. I am the jealous type but not so jealous that you can't have any women that are friends. Before he left for Afghanistan he would constantly be texting and I can name off 4 girls right now that have feelings for him. Since he has been gone only 2 months I have had 2 girls message me, being immature and causing drama that is far from necessary. I can't deal with that.

Keith sent me a dozen roses with 4 siberian lillies on Valentines day. He talks constantly about how he can't wait to be home and hold me and kiss me. The things we're going to do together, how he can't wait for his family to meet me and how they are already dying to meet me from the things he has told them about me. I find myself falling for Keith more and more each day. There are some days that I just want to stop loving Scott and let myself love Keith but it isn't that easy. The heart wants what the heart wants. Keith is going to be stationed in Hawaii in August. He says he knows there will be temptation but he doesn't care, that he wouldn't want to ruin what he has gained with me for one night with someone else. I know ladies, you say all men say this all men are the same. He is different he really is, I can tell. He hopes for me to someday meet him in Hawaii and take the relationship to another level. Please don't think its crazy that we feel all of this and have not even met in person. You can really get to know someone the way we have without any of the sexual stuff getting in the way. We know everything about eachother I love that. Scott comes home in July or August and I have all of his stuff. I don't know what is going to happen when he gets back. My heart is being pulled two seperate ways. What to do, What to do?

Where it all Begins

I'm a girl, 20 years old to be exact. I guess you could say a woman. I'm from the northern part of the country. Born and raised in Central New York and you can say it, I'm a Yankee. Didn't exactly have the best life growing up but I can't really complain, I mean I had a roof over my head, food on the table, and family in my life. I'm not exactly going to get into why I didn't have the best life growing up, those things will unravel as I go along. I moved to South Carolina last July, a yankee girl in the south not knowing a soul. Not a very good combination if you ask me. People in the south don't like us Yankee's. They think we are rude, fast paced, and go go go all the time. I didn't know a soul when I moved here, I used the internet as a way to get to know people. I know I know, you're thinking that it's dangerous and stupid. Well I have to say I am so glad that I did it but it took me further than I needed to go and now I don't know what to do. Let me tell you all something. I was forced to grow up faster than any other kid my age. I'm more mature than a lot of 20 year olds that you know. I don't like drama, I don't like arguments, I like to focus on me and goals and things I want in life. I have an enormous heart with so much love to give and my emotions are very powerful.

I met the most amazing man via the internet. Lets just say his name is Scott. A real southern man with beautiful blue eyes, broad shoulders, and a smile that melts the heart. We met in the Walmart parking lot in town. The same place we shared our first kiss. Corny I know. I bet you can only imagine how our first date was. Well don't laugh but we bought some beer, drove around on red dirt roads and just really got to know one another. I know the drinking was totally illegal but we didn't get drunk, it was sort of an ice breaker I guess you could say. He really melted my heart. The way he said "I reckon" and "I don't guess so" made me smile from ear to ear. He is in the Marine Corps. Infantry, a machine gunner. He is now over in Afghanistan fighting for our country. Of course I am worried about him, I only knew him 5 months before he was deployed in January. Those 5 months were the most amazing 5 months of my life, I can honestly say I fell in love with that man. It wasn't all rainbows, butterflies, and lust. We have been through more than enough where I have wanted to walk away.

See here is the thing, we never actually committed. I guess you could say we were "seeing each-other." Typically single, but he was all I wanted. He was in a relationship of 5 years 6 months before he met me. The girl broke his heart, he was ready to propose and start a family. She had been seeing someone else the last year of their relationship. He needs more than 6 months before jumping into a relationship after that. I myself just got out of a 2 year relationship from back in NY. The guy in NY is the whole reason I moved to South Carolina. No need to be with someone that makes you miserable. I knew if I stayed in that state I would continue to be with him and never get away. One day I packed my car, me and my cat on a road trip to South Carolina. Scott talked to plenty of girls, I mean he is gorgeous and sweet I can't blame the girls for drooling over him, I did didn't I? He swore to me I was the only one he was with on that level and that the other girls just liked him and he didn't know why because he never said anything out of the way to them. I to this day don't believe that for an instant. Scott came down for Christmas, he stayed with me for 3 weeks straight. It was so amazing, waking up to his blue eyes everyday. Him holding me until I fell asleep every night. We shared our New Years Kiss. I thought I loved my boyfriend of 2 years back in NY. What I feel for Scott is so much more thanthe feelings I had for my Ex don't even touch what I feel for Scott. He knows I love him, I told him I loved him the day he left for Afghanistan. We spent everyday together while he was here. See he was stationed at Camp Lejeune in NC. He would spend every other weekend here in SC, and every other weekend in VA where the rest of his family is. Only seeing him 2 weekends out of the month wasn't enough but it was pure bliss every time. He was able to stay in SC 3 weeks straight before his deployment. I have all of his personal items at my house waiting for him when he comes home in August. He told me he wanted me to have them until he got back, I met all of his family and he met mine. I went to North Carolina and stayed with him his last night in America and was the last one to hug and kiss him goodbye. I can honestly say I am deeply in love with him.

Soon after he leaves I receive messages from a girl in Virginia telling me that he is dating her, I knew all about this girl Scott and I have had conversations and even arguments about her. He reassured me that she had more feelings for him than he did for her and that they don't come close to the feelings he has for me. That was almost 2 months ago and I have soon come to find out that she was lying to try and make me upset and get me out of the picture. There is another girl that leaves him messages all the time telling him she's writing him and sending him stuff and she misses him so much and can't wait to talk to him. This girl is 17 years old and lives 10 hours away from us. I don't understand it. It breaks my heart on so many levels.

In a way I like being in love. Scott is the first thing I think about in the morning, the last thing I think about before I fall asleep, and I even think of him all day. I dream of him at night. Everyday I check the news. I don't get to talk to him often with him being a marine and everything. He has called 4 times since he has been gone and my heart fell out of my chest everytime. I have voicemails and texts saved. I read and listen to them over and over again just to hear his voice and his southern accent.